What to do? (Long)
Question:
tigger wrote: > Jenny, > First of all, let me state that I am willing to take full > responsibility for the mistakes I have made in my marriage. > When I suggested a trial seperation, he told me there was > no way. Our counselor even told us we were two different > people, wanting seperate things out of life. He has no > plans for his future, for us. We are totally lacking in > communication. I’m sorry this is so mixed up, it’s hard to > find the correct words to express myself here. Thanks for > responding.
Tigger, I really think you ought to leave this person. That is, of course, a decision that can only be made by you but from the posts I have read concerning this, you really seem to have grown and changed a lot in the past year or so while your husband has not. In addition, you need more emotional support than you are getting and your husband is not realizing that. If you’ve let him know this with the same conversation four times, I say it is time to go. Do not fear falling flat on your face if you leave. You will make it! Your lifestyle might be a little different than when you were married, but you will make it. Let us know what you decide and best of luck to you.
Response:
I don’t have a lot of confidence in the counselor, if your husband hasn’t really opened up (3 sessions?). In any case, what the counselor said is true of every couple. This is out-and-out mindreading, but I am going to propose that your husband may be afraid to really state his desires for fear that they will be used as "evidence" that the marriage is over. Thus, all discussion produces anxiety and inhibits intimate discussion. You might want to ask him if he is afraid that more talk will only lead to divorce. Of course, then you’ll have to decide whether he’s right about that. I don’t know what you mean by taking responsibility for your mistakes. For me, it means acknowledging and understanding them, making changes to repair the damage, and making changes to avoid them in the future. For some, it means expressing regret and nothing more. What good could a trial separation do? You say you don’t really talk, at least intimately. A trial separation will be great for you, the conflict will be gone. Even if he makes some breakthrough, you’ll be less likely to "go back." I think you know this already. I am confused by your posts. At one moment you sound like you are very clear about your desires (the computer job) and then you say it would be "fine" for you to stay home, but you’d get bored. So, I’m not really sure what the bottom line on that issue is. And that is the only clear issue you give. The complaints of lack of emotional support and communication are conclusions you have reached from the past. They are your attitudes and beliefs. I’m not challenging them. I’m only saying that if YOU don’t, then there is really nothing he can do that would change it. But you are right, you have to draw a line. Whether that is to separate or to demand that he go into therapy and/or make other specific changes, is up to you. tigger <kathyrNOizS…@mediaone.net> wrote in message
news:29bb6a0e.3c89ac7c@usw-ex0102-009.remarq.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Jenny, > First of all, let me state that I am willing to take full > responsibility for the mistakes I have made in my marriage. > When I suggested a trial seperation, he told me there was > no way. Our counselor even told us we were two different > people, wanting seperate things out of life. He has no > plans for his future, for us. We are totally lacking in > communication. I’m sorry this is so mixed up, it’s hard to > find the correct words to express myself here. Thanks for > responding. > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I am new to this group, and have been reading the posts for >about a month now. I have been married for a little over >seven years and have one child. In the past two years I >have been going through some changes. I believe the >changes are positive ones, however with my changes came an >eye opening examination of my marriage. Before I begin, I >would like to say that I have been to counseling with my >SO, and have read several counseling books all in the hopes >that I could come to some understanding of how and why this >all happened. Now I am turning to all of you, for honest >opinions as to which way I could turn. >Here’s how it went. I was in the same job for several >years, and after corporate changes, I decided that this job >wasn’t for me. I looked into classes on computer work, and >decided to go to school full time for four months to get a >certificate. My SO did not think this was a good idea. I >financed this on my own, and emptied my retirement fund to >live on while going to school. All my bills were paid for >by me. It was during this time that I figured out that I >may have some intelligence in me. I was speaking with >people in my class, who actually liked having conversations >with me. Believe it or not, this was a revelation. I had >worked with the same people for so long, and hung out with >the same group of friends, I thought I had lost any >ambition or social skills that I ever had. >My SO certainly did not like to have conversations with me, >he called them called "OPP". (Other Peoples Problems) >Anyway, I graduated with all "A’s" and a month later found >a new job. I told my SO that I didn’t want a party after I >graduated. There was none. There was no card, there was >no let’s have a drink to celebrate. There was not even a >congratulations involved. This was nothing new. I just >never realized that we never did anything together. We >have never even gone away on a long weekend together >(alone). >Anyway, I got the new job, and have done pretty well at >it. Critical remarks from home were common. Due to >traffic I don’t get home until 6 or 6:30. I was told that >was to late to eat, so they would eat before I got home. >Last September, I took a trip with my son. My SO didn’t >like the hours, so he hired a limo to take us to and from >the airport. When I got home, I decided we needed to >talk. I explained to him to him that I was not happy. I >wanted to live my life, meaning I wanted to experience >life. I wanted to share my dreams, I wanted to be >supported emotionally. I explained that I thought we were >just roommates who had sex once in awhile. I explained how >I knew that changes were upsetting, and he wasn’t happy >about them, but these were good changes. I was doing >something that made me happy, and confident. It was >emotional. Apparently I hit him over the head with a >rock. However, no changes were made. He tried. He stayed >home more often, but there was still no communication. >This happened at least four more time (same conversation). >He went to three counseling sessions, and agreed that he >could "tweek" things a little. Then he stopped going. It >has been a year. I guess I need to make a decision. What >would make him happy (by his own admission) was if I stayed >home, did the dishes, cooked his meals, cleaned the house, >and took care of the child, while he made the money. That >would be cool, but my son is on school now. What the hell >would I do all day? I know he admires his friends wives >for this reason. I actually asked him to go away for a >weekend with me. That was a few months ago. >My dilemma is this: If I stay, I know my needs of being >suported emotionally will never be met. I will be supported >financially if I need it, but emotionally, no. If I go, I >will have to deal with his emotions on a constant basis, >and possibly fall flat on my face. Whose to say living >alone with your child is any better. I only have one life >to live. I want to set a good example for my child. I >know I’m not doing that right now. My SO is a bad man. I >just don’t think we belong together. There is much more >than I could write at this moment, but any suggestions >would be appreciated.
Your husband is afraid that he is going to lose you and it looks like he may be right. I personally believe that your desires are completely self centered. You have a husband and a child and you are the one who is changing the direction that your marriage and family life is taking. It’s not fair to him to change like this without regard to the consequences of it all. Yeah, I know, you need to be fulfilled and all of that, but, so does your husband in the marriage. You picked him, made a kid with him. All of the decisions you are making now, alone, should have been made before you obligated yourself to this marriage and subsequent child. See it through your husband’s eyes.
Response:
In article <37da5cf0.60830…@nntp.ix.netcom.com>, Bry…@ix.netcom.com (Tazz) wrote: >… My SO did not think this was a good idea. >Why was this? >Unfortunatley we can only go by what is posted and only hear one side >of the story.
He was concerned about money, mostly. I made sure to take care of that end of the deal. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->And it does matter :)_. >From your post it seems he wants to keep some kind of control >I could be wrong but it seems that way >>My SO certainly did not like to have conversations with me, >>he called them called "OPP". (Other Peoples Problems) >>Anyway, I graduated with all "A’s" and a month later found >>a new job. I told my SO that I didn’t want a party after I >>graduated. There was none. There was no card, there was >>no let’s have a drink to celebrate. There was not even a >>congratulations involved. This was nothing new. I just >>never realized that we never did anything together. We >>have never even gone away on a long weekend together >>(alone). >not getting a card or a congratulations has ??? to do with you going >away for a long weekend? >Besides you told him you didnt want one and he is suppose to know the >alternative was What? And that would be ok,
Sorry, I am muddled. It hurt my feelings that he didn’t think to congratulate me. The going away thing was just an example of how little we actually do together. > When I got home, I decided we needed to >>talk. I explained to him to him that I was not happy. I >>wanted to live my life, meaning I wanted to experience >>life. I wanted to share my dreams, I wanted to be >>supported emotionally. >But do you want him to be a part of it too or have you already made >your mind up he is not capable of that?
It seemed to me that he wasn’t interested in doing that. >how were you two in the beginning? >Was he always like this? >Was there always no communication between the two of you? >people can change sure but if this is how it always has been and one >of you decides they need some change doenst mean the other is >obligated. imho anyway
I agree with you 100% That is something I said to him also. I knew he was uncomfortable with the changes I had made. I didn’t think going to school and getting a new job would be so drastic, especially where I was so unhappy before. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I explained that I thought we were >>just roommates who had sex once in awhile. I explained how >>I knew that changes were upsetting, and he wasn’t happy >>about them, but these were good changes. >Good for who? >The changes are not good for everyone >the changes made YOU happy. of course thats important >but whats LESS important is what your husband thinks >I guess you need to make a decision as to if what he thinks is >important or just do whatever you want to do for you, > I was doing >>something that made me happy, and confident. It was >>emotional. Apparently I hit him over the head with a >>rock. >if you are in a co-dependent relationship for so long and then >onepart of the relationship doesnt seem co-dependent anymore >I would guess this is smakck on the head, >>This happened at least four more time (same conversation). >>He went to three counseling sessions, and agreed that he >>could "tweek" things a little. Then he stopped going. It >>has been a year. I guess I need to make a decision. What >>would make him happy (by his own admission) was if I stayed >>home, did the dishes, cooked his meals, cleaned the house, >>and took care of the child, while he made the money. >Again, is that what you both signed up for in the
beginning. No, I was never able to stay home for financial reasons. I have always worked, and brought in a pretty decent income. >Im not saying he s right or you are right, >Im saying that it is sometimes hard to deal with changing the rules in >the middle of the game,
There are always two sides to a story, and this is just mine. That’s why I’m posting, for honest opinions. >That >>would be cool, but my son is on school now. What the hell >>would I do all day? I know he admires his friends wives >>for this reason. I actually asked him to go away for a >>weekend with me. That was a few months ago. >You asked his friend or him? >Dont ask him next time, tell him, that its very important that you >clear the air >Because if you dont then he will get the >"I am trying to find myself" speech and it will all be over with, >Im not trying to be crass at all,
True. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>My dilemma is this: If I stay, I know my needs of being >>suported emotionally will never be met. I will be supported >>financially if I need it, but emotionally, no. If I go, I >>will have to deal with his emotions on a constant basis, >>and possibly fall flat on my face. Whose to say living >>alone with your child is any better. I only have one life >>to live. I want to set a good example for my child. I >>know I’m not doing that right now. My SO is a bad man. I >>just don’t think we belong together. There is much more >>than I could write at this moment, but any suggestions >>would be appreciated. >A dilemna indeed >CAn you tell him exactly what you posted? >"Bad man" can make the mind wander.
Sorry, that should have said "not" a bad man. If he was, I don’t think I would have this dilemma. >If you are being abused then you need to get out of course, >Unfortunately sometimes the EYE OPENER that "I just dont think we >belong together" comes all too many times so late in the game, >I hope it all works out for you all, If thats possible
Thanks for replying, Sorry for the mass confusion. >Tazz >Reply to >Bry…@ix.netcom.com >ICQ# 12098561
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Response:
I am new to this group, and have been reading the posts for about a month now. I have been married for a little over seven years and have one child. In the past two years I have been going through some changes. I believe the changes are positive ones, however with my changes came an eye opening examination of my marriage. Before I begin, I would like to say that I have been to counseling with my SO, and have read several counseling books all in the hopes that I could come to some understanding of how and why this all happened. Now I am turning to all of you, for honest opinions as to which way I could turn. Here’s how it went. I was in the same job for several years, and after corporate changes, I decided that this job wasn’t for me. I looked into classes on computer work, and decided to go to school full time for four months to get a certificate. My SO did not think this was a good idea. I financed this on my own, and emptied my retirement fund to live on while going to school. All my bills were paid for by me. It was during this time that I figured out that I may have some intelligence in me. I was speaking with people in my class, who actually liked having conversations with me. Believe it or not, this was a revelation. I had worked with the same people for so long, and hung out with the same group of friends, I thought I had lost any ambition or social skills that I ever had. My SO certainly did not like to have conversations with me, he called them called "OPP". (Other Peoples Problems) Anyway, I graduated with all "A’s" and a month later found a new job. I told my SO that I didn’t want a party after I graduated. There was none. There was no card, there was no let’s have a drink to celebrate. There was not even a congratulations involved. This was nothing new. I just never realized that we never did anything together. We have never even gone away on a long weekend together (alone). Anyway, I got the new job, and have done pretty well at it. Critical remarks from home were common. Due to traffic I don’t get home until 6 or 6:30. I was told that was to late to eat, so they would eat before I got home. Last September, I took a trip with my son. My SO didn’t like the hours, so he hired a limo to take us to and from the airport. When I got home, I decided we needed to talk. I explained to him to him that I was not happy. I wanted to live my life, meaning I wanted to experience life. I wanted to share my dreams, I wanted to be supported emotionally. I explained that I thought we were just roommates who had sex once in awhile. I explained how I knew that changes were upsetting, and he wasn’t happy about them, but these were good changes. I was doing something that made me happy, and confident. It was emotional. Apparently I hit him over the head with a rock. However, no changes were made. He tried. He stayed home more often, but there was still no communication. This happened at least four more time (same conversation). He went to three counseling sessions, and agreed that he could "tweek" things a little. Then he stopped going. It has been a year. I guess I need to make a decision. What would make him happy (by his own admission) was if I stayed home, did the dishes, cooked his meals, cleaned the house, and took care of the child, while he made the money. That would be cool, but my son is on school now. What the hell would I do all day? I know he admires his friends wives for this reason. I actually asked him to go away for a weekend with me. That was a few months ago. My dilemma is this: If I stay, I know my needs of being suported emotionally will never be met. I will be supported financially if I need it, but emotionally, no. If I go, I will have to deal with his emotions on a constant basis, and possibly fall flat on my face. Whose to say living alone with your child is any better. I only have one life to live. I want to set a good example for my child. I know I’m not doing that right now. My SO is a bad man. I just don’t think we belong together. There is much more than I could write at this moment, but any suggestions would be appreciated. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
On Fri, 10 Sep 1999 17:50:55 +1700, tigger <kathyrNOnkS…@mediaone.net> wrote: >I am new to this group, and have been reading the posts for >about a month now.
Hey! Someone who reads a group for a while before posting! Smart tigger … wonder where Scott went? Who is going to protect the sensitivities of newcomers? >I have been married for a little over >seven years and have one child. In the past two years I >have been going through some changes. I believe the >changes are positive ones, however with my changes came an >eye opening examination of my marriage. Before I begin, I >would like to say that I have been to counseling with my >SO, and have read several counseling books all in the hopes >that I could come to some understanding of how and why this >all happened. Now I am turning to all of you, for honest >opinions as to which way I could turn.
You are in the process of personal growth … some men are unable to deal with this when it happens to their spouse; others find a way to enjoy the newly emerged butterfly. >Here’s how it went. I was in the same job for several >years, and after corporate changes, I decided that this job >wasn’t for me. I looked into classes on computer work, and >decided to go to school full time for four months to get a >certificate. My SO did not think this was a good idea.
In one of my past lives I was an administrative dean for a well known MBA program. We had an evening division and often saw this happen. Husband, often a well-educated professional, encouraged wife to go ahead and apply since he was certain she would be turned down, given our highly selective reputation … often the hope was that would end wife’s attempt to grow. Upon admission, in such cases, often there was NO support from husband, perhaps because he saw his role somehow being diminished. I recall very few of these women who set off to rid themselves of their marriages but that often was the result when they dared to use their native intelligence to do more than clean house or work less-than-challenging jobs. >I >financed this on my own, and emptied my retirement fund to >live on while going to school. All my bills were paid for >by me. It was during this time that I figured out that I >may have some intelligence in me. I was speaking with >people in my class, who actually liked having conversations >with me. Believe it or not, this was a revelation. I had >worked with the same people for so long, and hung out with >the same group of friends, I thought I had lost any >ambition or social skills that I ever had. >My SO certainly did not like to have conversations with me, >he called them called "OPP". (Other Peoples Problems)
Before this, did you guys communicate about anything or had your lives grown into a routine pattern where you had your tasks and he had his tasks and further communication was unnecessary? Out of curiosity, does your husband have any developing interests or hobbies where he reads about and embraces new ideas? >Anyway, I graduated with all "A’s" and a month later found >a new job. I told my SO that I didn’t want a party after I >graduated. There was none. There was no card, there was >no let’s have a drink to celebrate. There was not even a >congratulations involved. This was nothing new.
You did state you did not want a party; he honored that request. I have a brother who does this in such a way people are damned if they do and damned if they don’t – I just ignore the whole thing 
Does he remember your birthday or anniversary? Does he have a college or graduate degree? He may not attach any significance to your new degree … in fact, he may view it as a threat to the way things were and to the way he wants things to be. >I just never realized that we never did anything together. >We have never even gone away on a long weekend >together (alone).
Why not? Money? Demands of your academic schedule? Until now, did you even want to do long weekends alone together? Have you indicated how nice it would be to do something like this? If your husband is like me, he cannot read your mind … perhaps he is one of those solid but unimaginative fellows who needs some gentle coaxing in the art of romantic interludes? >Anyway, I got the new job, and have done pretty well at >it. Critical remarks from home were common. Due to >traffic I don’t get home until 6 or 6:30. I was told that >was to late to eat, so they would eat before I got home.
6 or 6:30PM is too late to eat? Nah, something else is going on here unless you are talking about starting longish preparations that would mean dinner at 8 or 9PM … but a crock pot simmering all day takes care of that complaint or meals prepared and frozen in advance so they can be heated up in a few minutes. Who watches your child while you work? Apparently your husband picks him up from your daycare arrangements; does he know about healthy snacks for children if they get hungry before dinner? >Last September, I took a trip with my son. My SO didn’t >like the hours, so he hired a limo to take us to and from >the airport.
Depending on how far away the airport is and traffic, I see nothing wrong with this. What is the complaint? >When I got home, I decided we needed to >talk. I explained to him to him that I was not happy. I >wanted to live my life, meaning I wanted to experience >life. I wanted to share my dreams, I wanted to be >supported emotionally. I explained that I thought we were >just roommates who had sex once in awhile. I explained how >I knew that changes were upsetting, and he wasn’t happy >about them, but these were good changes. I was doing >something that made me happy, and confident. It was >emotional. Apparently I hit him over the head with a >rock. However, no changes were made. He tried. He stayed >home more often, but there was still no communication.
What changes did you want? What do you mean he stayed home more often? Up to now I had the impression he was a real homebody who wanted dinner on the table at a rigidly set early hour. What do you want him to communicate about? Does he play with your child and read to him? >This happened at least four more time (same conversation). >He went to three counseling sessions, and agreed that he >could "tweek" things a little. Then he stopped going. It >has been a year. I guess I need to make a decision.
Do you love your husband? Does he love you? >What >would make him happy (by his own admission) was if I stayed >home, did the dishes, cooked his meals, cleaned the house, >and took care of the child, while he made the money.
Clearly the two of you seem to have very different expectations about marriage. What your husband describes comes out of the old school … and as you read this newsgroup or look around at news:alt.support.divorce, you quickly become aware of the women who bought that line only to find they had been left high and dry when their marriages ended and they had no way to support themselves other than with menial, low-paying jobs. People change constantly which means the nature of a solid marriage also changes constantly. Unless the two of you can find some way to accommodate those inevitable changes, your marriage is in trouble. Surely your marriage counselor and the books you have read have pointed that out. >That would be cool, but my son is on school now.
I don’t think you are being honest here … you started your new academic program when your son was not in school. You already were working some kind of dull, boring job … that seemed to be OK with your husband. Did you guys need the money? If staying home would have been cool, why weren’t you doing it? >What the hell would I do all day? I know he admires >his friends wives for this reason.
He wants a stay-at-home wife … you do not want to be one. Unless you resolve that issue, you both are going to be spinning your wheels. >I actually asked him to go away for a >weekend with me. That was a few months ago.
Why is this important? Do you feel like an emotional stranger in your own house? Some people, both men and women, ignore problems and the threat of breaking up until it happens .. then they moan they had no idea things had become so bad. If the two of you cannot work together to get your marriage on a more solid footing, you either have to accept things as they are now or consider that the purpose of your marriage has run its course … divorce will not be a good time for your son. >My dilemma is this: If I stay, I know my needs of being >suported emotionally will never be met. I will be supported >financially if I need it, but emotionally, no. If I go, I >will have to deal with his emotions on a constant basis, >and possibly fall flat on my face. Whose to say living >alone with your child is any better.
Woah there … why do you automatically assume your child will be living with you? Even with the incredible bias against men in divorce court, more and more men are becoming the custodial parent. What is the relationship between your husband and his son? You and your husband are joined at the hip for a very long time; you cannot resign being your son’s parents. >I only have one life >to live. I want to set a good example for my child. I >know I’m not doing that right now. My SO is a bad man. I >just don’t think we belong together.
Did you mistype this? I suspect you meant to say "My SO is NOT a bad man" … or was that a Freudian slip?? >There is much more >than I could write at this moment, but any suggestions >would be appreciated.
Regardless of opinions and suggestions from total strangers, ultimately you will have to find the answers on your own. Personally I hate to see marriages end but at times that is the right thing to do … make no rash decisions and make certain you have really … read more »
Response:
.. My SO did not think this was a good idea. Why was this? Unfortunatley we can only go by what is posted and only hear one side of the story. And it does matter :)_. From your post it seems he wants to keep some kind of control I could be wrong but it seems that way >My SO certainly did not like to have conversations with me, >he called them called "OPP". (Other Peoples Problems) >Anyway, I graduated with all "A’s" and a month later found >a new job. I told my SO that I didn’t want a party after I >graduated. There was none. There was no card, there was >no let’s have a drink to celebrate. There was not even a >congratulations involved. This was nothing new. I just >never realized that we never did anything together. We >have never even gone away on a long weekend together >(alone).
not getting a card or a congratulations has ??? to do with you going away for a long weekend? Besides you told him you didnt want one and he is suppose to know the alternative was What? And that would be ok, When I got home, I decided we needed to >talk. I explained to him to him that I was not happy. I >wanted to live my life, meaning I wanted to experience >life. I wanted to share my dreams, I wanted to be >supported emotionally.
But do you want him to be a part of it too or have you already made your mind up he is not capable of that? how were you two in the beginning? Was he always like this? Was there always no communication between the two of you? people can change sure but if this is how it always has been and one of you decides they need some change doenst mean the other is obligated. imho anyway I explained that I thought we were >just roommates who had sex once in awhile. I explained how >I knew that changes were upsetting, and he wasn’t happy >about them, but these were good changes.
Good for who? The changes are not good for everyone the changes made YOU happy. of course thats important but whats LESS important is what your husband thinks I guess you need to make a decision as to if what he thinks is important or just do whatever you want to do for you, I was doing >something that made me happy, and confident. It was >emotional. Apparently I hit him over the head with a >rock.
if you are in a co-dependent relationship for so long and then onepart of the relationship doesnt seem co-dependent anymore I would guess this is smakck on the head, >This happened at least four more time (same conversation). >He went to three counseling sessions, and agreed that he >could "tweek" things a little. Then he stopped going. It >has been a year. I guess I need to make a decision. What >would make him happy (by his own admission) was if I stayed >home, did the dishes, cooked his meals, cleaned the house, >and took care of the child, while he made the money.
Again, is that what you both signed up for in the beginning. Im not saying he s right or you are right, Im saying that it is sometimes hard to deal with changing the rules in the middle of the game, That >would be cool, but my son is on school now. What the hell >would I do all day? I know he admires his friends wives >for this reason. I actually asked him to go away for a >weekend with me. That was a few months ago.
You asked his friend or him? Dont ask him next time, tell him, that its very important that you clear the air Because if you dont then he will get the "I am trying to find myself" speech and it will all be over with, Im not trying to be crass at all, >My dilemma is this: If I stay, I know my needs of being >suported emotionally will never be met. I will be supported >financially if I need it, but emotionally, no. If I go, I >will have to deal with his emotions on a constant basis, >and possibly fall flat on my face. Whose to say living >alone with your child is any better. I only have one life >to live. I want to set a good example for my child. I >know I’m not doing that right now. My SO is a bad man. I >just don’t think we belong together. There is much more >than I could write at this moment, but any suggestions >would be appreciated.
A dilemna indeed CAn you tell him exactly what you posted? "Bad man" can make the mind wander If you are being abused then you need to get out of course, Unfortunately sometimes the EYE OPENER that "I just dont think we belong together" comes all too many times so late in the game, I hope it all works out for you all, If thats possible Tazz Reply to Bry…@ix.netcom.com ICQ# 12098561
Response:
Miscee, You are absolutely correct. I should have asked him for a card, or to go out for a drink. Maybe that’s the biggest problem, I expect him to acknowledge my accomplishments. I even know that everyone is different. When my child was bor, I had to have an emergency C section, I was in the hospital for a week, and my son was in for three weeks. Since the hospital was so far away (45 miles), I told my SO he didn’t have to come to the hospital. So he didn’t. He came on the day that I was to leave. Several years later, when I broke my wrist, I asked him to meet me at the hospital because I was in pain, and I wanted him there for support. He showed up two hours later at our house. When I asked him why he didn’t come, he told me he didn’t think it was important enough. I guess that would mean our priorities are different? I think I have put too much thought into this, and am just confused. Thank you for your input. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Jenny, First of all, let me state that I am willing to take full responsibility for the mistakes I have made in my marriage. When I suggested a trial seperation, he told me there was no way. Our counselor even told us we were two different people, wanting seperate things out of life. He has no plans for his future, for us. We are totally lacking in communication. I’m sorry this is so mixed up, it’s hard to find the correct words to express myself here. Thanks for responding. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
