I am also loosing it….
Question:
It’s interesting that you mention this, since I always try and breathe more than I usually would, even in normal situations. Tony Robbins devotes and entire session of his self-help CD’s to "teaching" one how to breathe. Not really how to breathe as much as reminding yourself to breathe and not deprive your blood and therefore brain of the oxygen it needs. Even those not suffering from anxiety or other disorders fail to breathe properly and suffer decreased memory, cognitive skills, and just plain old energy. When I’m really stressing, my intent is to back off and take a few breaths, and assess the situation. This simple process reminds me that most anxiety causing issues really aren’t sufficient to "deserve" to cause anxiety, and they disappear-generally. 
(Generally) PS: It’s just a big party. Dose up and start the day telling yourself that you WILL enjoy this event. There is no rational reason not to have a good time. Remind yourself and convince yourself-it’s true isn’t it? Good Luck! I hope you had a good session with your therapist today — and that you got some good advice. My only piece of advice is this: don’t forget to breathe. That may not seem helpful at this moment, but it can come in handy later on. Deirdre
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
<gently snipped ::I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking ::her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it ::just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter ::that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he ::sits down. That IS real classy thing to do. I bet everyone will feel good about it Jackie ~*~Nature made us individuals, as she did the flowers and the pebbles; but we are afraid to be peculiar, and so our society resembles a bag of marbles, or a string of mold candles. Why should we all dress after the same fashion? The frost never paints my windows twice alike~*~ ~~ Lydia Maria Child — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi Tony: Sorry I’m late in acknowledging your post. I did read it and my heart really goes out to you. IMO, anticipatory anxiety is worse that an actual panic attack. I think we all can relate to what you are saying. The attack eases up but the anticipatory anxiety seems to increase as we near the time when we think that we can’t control what happens and we ALWAYS think the worst. I’ve had the "you can’t do this or you can’t do that" anxiety monkey whispering in my mind’s ear for over 40 years and I can truthfully say the worse senerio the monkey tries to build in your mind very rarely, if ever happens. The "stinkin thinkin" is just that. Course words don’t seem to help chase it away, do they? I finally got to the point where I thot the anxicipatory anxiety I was experiencing in my job was going to put me in an early grave. I would have anticipatory anxiety for months ahead of the day when I knew I would have to attend a 2 day workshop/staff meeting and speak in front of people (my absolute worst fear). I finally had had enough and went into my boss and told he NO, I’m not can’t do it, I’m phobic beyond all reason and I’ve been receiving treatment for it. That NO and explanation why (hidden for so long) made the anxiety fall away like layers off an onion. The next time the monkey reared its ugly presence, I just said f*ck it — come and get me you rotten anxiety monkey and get it over with. The monkey didn’t seem to know how to react. It kind of went and hid. When you look the anxiety in the face and tell it do it’s worst, it runs away. Sooooooo instead of continuing to throw words at you, I have this advise, don’t give a chit about what YOU think others may be thinking of you cause you can never know what they are thinking, nor should you care. Just go with the flow — follow your gut. No one will fault you for trying to take care of your health if you don’t follow a rigid script. Give yourself the permission to say NO and accept that you have an illness that needs taking care of. To hell with everyone else. Trust me, your daughter’s wedding will be just great and you’ll be fine. I wish you good luck, send you vibes of strength and am interested to read what the pdoc had to offer you on your current visit. -frizz — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Sorry I can’t reply to each of you individually, it would take me hours (this reply has taken about an hour)(no, over an hour). Damn OCD! I just want to thank everyone for the support and tips and all that. Going to the bluegrass event again still has me worked up and I’ve been taking 2mgs of ativan/day PRN which I seldom take normally. (that is on top of 5mgs of klonopin) I’m afraid it’s paranoia and not anxiety, and that’s why it isn’t helping. My Dr. appointment went OK except for the fact that he also thinks it’s paranoia, not anxiety. So he increased my Seroquel from 500mg to 600mg/day. :-( We were going to try to let me to learn how to handle the paranoia instead of increasing the meds, but I have a difficult time learning, especially under recent conditions. Maybe being more medicated will give me a chance to learn how to cope without so much meds? Or maybe I’ll just be a zombie? Actually I took the higher dose last night and I have managed to get out of bed and be semi functional today. I may also change the way I was taking it, which was a small dose in the AM, and in the PM, then a large dose at bedtime. I may try taking it all at bedtime (which is the ‘normal’ way of taking it for most people). The only reason I was taking it 3X a day was to ward off the Seroquel shakes, so I’ll just have to see what happens. The therapist appointment was OK. There were no big breakthroughs except she drilled it into my head that I can call her cell phone ANYTIME. If she doesn’t answer I should leave a message. She did tell me that I could meet her at any church during the day and she would go in with me. That’s nice but I told her that I have no problem with an empty church, it’s probably not even the church I’m phobic of, it’s the people in it! I never realized that before. I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down. That’s all for now! Thanks everyone, Tony – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. :-) Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up.
– Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
At my step sisters wedding we had her mother and two step mothers and father and step father. Both fathers walked her down the isle.
That’s cool, I’m no longer dreading *that part* anymore! The wedding was a great success! And so has the marriage been.
That’s good to hear also! We have such a high divorce rate that the part about "until death do us part" is pretty much a joke. — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
<gently snipped ::I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking ::her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it ::just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter ::that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he ::sits down. That IS real classy thing to do. I bet everyone will feel good about it
Thanks. I told my daughter and she seemed as if she didn’t understand why, but that it’s fine with her. Minutes later her mother called me with some questions and I mentioned it to her. She was also surprised, in fact she thought I may hate the whole idea. I told her that it took me by surprise and I was a little upset at first, but the more I thought about it, the better it looked. — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
[...] My Dr. appointment went OK except for the fact that he also thinks it’s paranoia, not anxiety. So he increased my Seroquel from 500mg to 600mg/day. :-( We were going to try to let me to learn how to handle the paranoia instead of increasing the meds, but I have a difficult time learning, especially under recent conditions. Maybe being more medicated will give me a chance to learn how to cope without so much meds? Or maybe I’ll just be a zombie? Actually I took the higher dose last night and I have managed to get out of bed and be semi functional today. I may also change the way I was taking it, which was a small dose in the AM, and in the PM, then a large dose at bedtime. I may try taking it all at bedtime (which is the ‘normal’ way of taking it for most people). The only reason I was taking it 3X a day was to ward off the Seroquel shakes, so I’ll just have to see what happens.
Hope the med change helps Tony! If the night time dosing doesn’t work you can always go back to having a morning dose. The therapist appointment was OK. There were no big breakthroughs except she drilled it into my head that I can call her cell phone ANYTIME. If she doesn’t answer I should leave a message. She did tell me that I could meet her at any church during the day and she would go in with me. That’s nice but I told her that I have no problem with an empty church, it’s probably not even the church I’m phobic of, it’s the people in it! I never realized that before.
She really sounds like a keeper! It might help you to walk around the church a few times anyway even if it’s the people that you’re phobic of… I’m usually better able to deal with anxiety in a familiar setting. I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down.
Now that is a brilliant idea, I really like it! Mature men in similar situations will make this standard practise, I’m sure… acknowledging each other’s role in the bride’s life kind of thing. — Vashti — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
A schreef: I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down. Tony, what a wonderful gesture! I am really impressed that you thought of this… your daughter will be very pleased, too, I’m sure. Bravo. xxoo Anne
I want to echo this sentiment. You’re a great guy, Tony (well, what else is new?) I’m sure you will manage allright, So often the anticipatory anxiety is worse than the actual event. Others have already spoke words of wisdom about this so I’ll keep my trap shut for now… Philip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi, Tono, I hope the med increase helps you. You are sounding stressed???? Yes, I’m incredibly stressed. I can’t help projecting that my daughters marriage will be like mine did twice. The worry is getting to be a little less, but it’s still on my mind every day. Just now I realized I am never telling myself that they will live "happily ever after". I suppose if I can get my head to stop sabotaging any good thoughts I may get a break in the stress. I’ll be working on it.
***Keep working on it… Your daughter is old enough to make this decision. You can’t let your past determine what could happen in your daughter’s life. Enjoy listening ot her preparation for the wedding and deep breathe. It’s mostly on her shoulders and you only have to show up…<g The other big stress is the wedding itself. Imagining myself all wrapped up in a tux and standing in church, I can’t help thinking I will pass out. It wouldn’t be the first time. I have to remember not to lock my knees!
***Sure it’s a stressor. It is for everyone and most father’s feel the anxiety you feel. So you must be normal!!! "I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down" – WOW, what can I say but that’ classy!!!!! Hmm… classy huh? Well then I hope my daughter likes the idea. For me it will take some of the edge off. I don’t know why, or how to describe it, but it will for some reason make me feel more at ease. I never had a big problem with the guy, hell, if he can put up with my Ex then he’s doing good! ;-)
***I’m sure your daughter will love the idea and be very proud of you for presenting it to her. smiles, Elise — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi, Tono, Like Ron said fathers of the bride fade into the background and while walking down the aisle people are focused on the bride and her dress… smiles, Elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – One thing to keep telling yourself Tony is that it is your daughter’s day and not yours. If there is going to be any talking going on it will be about her and not you. Brides are always the centre of attention and we fathers fade very quickly into the background. In my case, being the "proud papa" took care of most of my anxiety as it changed my focus from me to her. It would appear that your daughter has taken steps to make you as comfortable as possible and that is a good thing. Good luck Tony. — Ron P The trouble with sitting on the fence is getting pickets up the butt — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi Tony: Sounds as tho you’re making some progress. The idea of the handshake at the end of the isle at your daughter’s wedding is GREAT. Just for you to be able to think that up should have you patting yourself on the back. WTG. I’m kind of curious about why you and/or your doc may believe that its not anxiety but paranoia from which you suffer. IMO, the literature shows that there is a clear difference between paranoia and panick attacks. Paranoia can be present during a panic attack but I think that a diagnosis of paranoia would include forms of delusion, (i.e. the belief [usually a very strong one and long lasting] that someone is actively "out to get you." Not just what YOU think someone may be thinking about you. That is just projecting your own thinking onto others (something quite different) Plus, the person who is paranoid usually is not aware of the fact he/she is paranoid and is sure that his/her paranoia is a true reflection of reality. Is this the way you feel? I don’t seem to be getting a clear picture here. Maybe its just me too now understand correctly. You’ll have fun at the Bluegrass event (even tho you may not think so before hand). Good luck with the med. adjustments. Keep posting here as often as you can in order to keep the good vibes flowing from your fellow sufferes. -frizz — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi, Tono, I hope the med increase helps you. You are sounding stressed???? "I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down" – WOW, what can I say but that’ classy!!!!! smiles, Elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sorry I can’t reply to each of you individually, it would take me hours (this reply has taken about an hour)(no, over an hour). Damn OCD! I just want to thank everyone for the support and tips and all that. Going to the bluegrass event again still has me worked up and I’ve been taking 2mgs of ativan/day PRN which I seldom take normally. (that is on top of 5mgs of klonopin) I’m afraid it’s paranoia and not anxiety, and that’s why it isn’t helping. My Dr. appointment went OK except for the fact that he also thinks it’s paranoia, not anxiety. So he increased my Seroquel from 500mg to 600mg/day. :-( We were going to try to let me to learn how to handle the paranoia instead of increasing the meds, but I have a difficult time learning, especially under recent conditions. Maybe being more medicated will give me a chance to learn how to cope without so much meds? Or maybe I’ll just be a zombie? Actually I took the higher dose last night and I have managed to get out of bed and be semi functional today. I may also change the way I was taking it, which was a small dose in the AM, and in the PM, then a large dose at bedtime. I may try taking it all at bedtime (which is the ‘normal’ way of taking it for most people). The only reason I was taking it 3X a day was to ward off the Seroquel shakes, so I’ll just have to see what happens. The therapist appointment was OK. There were no big breakthroughs except she drilled it into my head that I can call her cell phone ANYTIME. If she doesn’t answer I should leave a message. She did tell me that I could meet her at any church during the day and she would go in with me. That’s nice but I told her that I have no problem with an empty church, it’s probably not even the church I’m phobic of, it’s the people in it! I never realized that before. I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down. That’s all for now! Thanks everyone, Tony My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi Tony: Sounds as tho you’re making some progress. The idea of the handshake at the end of the isle at your daughter’s wedding is GREAT. Just for you to be able to think that up should have you patting yourself on the back. WTG.
Thanks. Pat, pat, pat. I’m kind of curious about why you and/or your doc may believe that its not anxiety but paranoia from which you suffer. IMO, the literature shows that there is a clear difference between paranoia and panick attacks.
Actually I have both anxiety/panic, and a separate diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder for many years now. The schizo whatever is for real. I won’t get into details, but I’ve had years and years of schizophrenic type symptoms. Some is just paranoia, and other stuff, ??? made up in my head I guess. It simply never was as bad as a typical schizophrenic experiences. Who knows, maybe I have a "mild case" of schizophrenia? The name doesn’t matter to me, just the treatment. You’ll have fun at the Bluegrass event (even tho you may not think so before hand). Good luck with the med. adjustments. Keep posting here as often as you can in order to keep the good vibes flowing from your fellow sufferes.
Sorry to say the Bluegrass Event is over, and at my therapists last night I figured that I had about 10% enjoyment without worry, 30% bad anxiety/mild paranoia but forced myself to try and enjoy it, and 60% completely wishing I wasn’t there at all. I left a day early and missed one of my favorite groups. — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi, Tono, I hope the med increase helps you. You are sounding stressed????
Yes, I’m incredibly stressed. I can’t help projecting that my daughters marriage will be like mine did twice. The worry is getting to be a little less, but it’s still on my mind every day. Just now I realized I am never telling myself that they will live "happily ever after". I suppose if I can get my head to stop sabotaging any good thoughts I may get a break in the stress. I’ll be working on it. The other big stress is the wedding itself. Imagining myself all wrapped up in a tux and standing in church, I can’t help thinking I will pass out. It wouldn’t be the first time. I have to remember not to lock my knees! "I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down" – WOW, what can I say but that’ classy!!!!!
Hmm… classy huh? Well then I hope my daughter likes the idea. For me it will take some of the edge off. I don’t know why, or how to describe it, but it will for some reason make me feel more at ease. I never had a big problem with the guy, hell, if he can put up with my Ex then he’s doing good! ;-) — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
I’m feeling somewhat better about my daughters step father also walking her down the aisle with me. I don’t have anything against the guy, it just caught me off guard. I’m thinking of suggesting to my daughter that when we get to the end of the aisle, I shake his hand before he sits down.
Tony, what a wonderful gesture! I am really impressed that you thought of this… your daughter will be very pleased, too, I’m sure. Bravo. xxoo Anne — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. — Tony Tony,
One thing to keep telling yourself Tony is that it is your daughter’s day and not yours. If there is going to be any talking going on it will be about her and not you. Brides are always the centre of attention and we fathers fade very quickly into the background. In my case, being the "proud papa" took care of most of my anxiety as it changed my focus from me to her. It would appear that your daughter has taken steps to make you as comfortable as possible and that is a good thing. Good luck Tony. — Ron P The trouble with sitting on the fence is getting pickets up the butt — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. — Tony
I hope you had a good session with your therapist today — and that you got some good advice. My only piece of advice is this: don’t forget to breathe. That may not seem helpful at this moment, but it can come in handy later on. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. — Tony
Tony.. I bet Rita remembers my freak out on the fact I had to walk down the aisle at my son’s wedding. He had over 300 guests – SRO and churches are probably the biggest trigger of all triggers for my panic. Oh boy.. I just had fits over this. Not only a church – a crowded church and I had to WALK down an AISLE. I was certain I would fall or something horrible would happen. Just sure of it. Turned out to be the best..I mean the BEST night of my life. I was never ever so proud. If I live to be 200, I will never have a happier one. That’s the truth. You take your meds. More than the usual if you need to.. you’ll do fine, and you will enjoy yourself. Just wait and see. Sally (who’s glad she had male children when it comes to weddings.) — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi, Tono,
My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!!
***If it’s only a marriage ceremony then it won’t take long. Keep telling yourself you’ll be in and out in no time. I worried a lot about the church part with my daughter’s weddig and it was a formal Catholic church wedding. Upped my meds for the day and I was fine. No one would hav ever known that I suffer with anxiety. Prior to the mass, I was too busy with little details. Do you have a safe person with you in the family who can help you with this? She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door!
***Well there’s a positive. That smell is horrendous. The anxiety is worse every day.
***One day at a time… Up the meds when needed!!! I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all?
***True, it is her wedding and I lost a few times with the way I would have liked things to be done but all in all, she’s "da bride". You get the true honor of giving her away. Try to focus on this positive thing. Many young women are faced with this dilema today. I found out that letting my daughter do it her way worked out the best to keep the stress down. It will be a wonderful occassion for you no matter if her stepfather is involved. She’s your daughter… The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid.
***You’ll be so wrapped up in watching her get married and then moving on to the reception that you won’t have time to be bothered with what you think other people are saying. And if they do, who gives a frog’s fat fart…<g Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember.
***How did your appointments go today? Were you able to make any headway with the wedding issues? Tono, believe me, you’ll be fine and other members of your family will be there. Simply implant yourself with them during most of the pre-wedding and reception. It will go by so quickly and at some point you’ll wish you could do it all over again. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do.
***Quit the stinkin’ thinking. You will do well. At some point prior to the service and at the reception step back and scan over the view of what’s going on. Hubby and I did this a few times so we could get some vivid memories of the wedding. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception.
***The focus will be on your daughter and future SIL. People more or less forget you’re even there except to say "hi" and "what a lovely wedding it is", etc… Just smile and agree with them. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up.
***YOU’LL BE FINE!!! I had some of the same worries and am still living. Vent all you need to. smiles, Elise — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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<gently snipped ::Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope ::I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. :: ::It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, ::(if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! :: Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. :: ::I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was ::so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I ::could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. :: ::I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve ::tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. Dear Tony, I understand how terrifying it is to have an event such as this to attend when your anxiety is already sky high. No matter how bad you think it will be, or how it really turns out, you will survive it. That`s what I tell myself in those ‘have to’ situations where I am pretty sure it is going to be a nightmare. I do hope you will be able to enjoy at least some of your daughters special day. Like Anne said, make sure to have lots of ‘outs’. I hope you got some good advice form your psychologist today. Let us know how you are doing. (((((Tony))))) Jackie ~*~Nature made us individuals, as she did the flowers and the pebbles; but we are afraid to be peculiar, and so our society resembles a bag of marbles, or a string of mold candles. Why should we all dress after the same fashion? The frost never paints my windows twice alike~*~ ~~ Lydia Maria Child — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. — Tony
Tony, I’m so sorry you’re having so much anxiety over this. This is the type of thing that would drive me nuts, too. I have a little bit (ok, sometimes a lot) of the paranoia about people not liking me/talking about me too, so I understand where you’re coming from. It waxes and wanes with my anxiety, but it’s always there. Everything you posted hit a chord in me. I know there’s nothing I can say to help, except to tell you you’re not alone. I care. I’ve never met you in person, but I can say without hesitation, after reading your posts and chatting with you on here for several years now (how long has it been?), you’re one of the nicest, funniest, most likeable people I’ve ever come in contact with. One of the things I remind myself of when I’m feeling like everyone is focused on me is that everyone else is either a) worrying what I’m thinking of them or b) not thinking about anything but their own problems. I don’t know if that will help you, but I’m pretty sure it’s true based on my experiences with people. Please don’t hestitate to email me if you need to talk. Just because I’m melting down doesn’t mean I can’t help others–in fact, I’m better at helping others than myself. I need a clone of myself to help me . ((((((((((((((((((Tony))))))))))))))))))) Love, Dawn — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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Hey Tono — YOu are having massive anticipatory anxiety and dread…. One day at a time, OK? Plan some "exit strategies" for yourself if you do get overwhelmed with anxiety during the wedding ceremony. Your family will understand if you need to step outside and do some deep, slow breathing for a bit. No one would criticize a diabetic who needs to get a glass of orange juice, quick, on short notice, right? Sorry about the part where you have to share walking-down-the-aisle duties with the stepfather. Try to focus on it being your daughter’s day, and maybe she feels happy about including both of you in that part. My stepdaughter was vacillating about the same thing when she was preparing for her marriage 9 years ago. … Her stepfather had been in her life since she was 2.5 years old and she didn’t want to slight him. Our mutual hair stylist told her, "You have A FATHER; he should be the one to walk you down the aisle!" LOL — that woman doesn’t mince words. So that’s how it was. But I think we would have understood if my stepdaughter had chosen another way, as well. Yes, it would have stung for my husband, but he would have survived and enjoyed the day, I think. Are there things you can get busy with at home to distract yourself now? Take care. xxoo Anne — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
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My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks.
Hi Tony, firstly congrats on your daughters wedding. I’m not up with all the news around the group lately so forgive me for not being up to date. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door!
How fantastic for you that two of your main triggers won’t be present on the day. The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all?
The anticipatory anxiety is very normal as you would know for most normies let alone us anxious people. Sounds like your daughter is a real sweetie to ask how you felt. I think she was seeking some kind of validation from you even though she knew it will make you feel uncomfortable, the fact you didn’t tell her ‘no way’ is enough for her to feel less guilty about it. The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid.
I can’t speak for others but if I saw a bride walking down the aisle with her father and step-father I’d be very impressed with all three people. I’d be thinking how lovely that a family can come together for such a wonderful day and what a special and selfless Dad to share this moment with someone else who has played a role in his daughter’s life. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember.
Write down the main points, type them up here and we’ll keep reminding you. Plus you have heaps of us here to support you as we’ve been through similar big occasions and made it through ok. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do.
Stinkin thinkin Tony – and very natural. The more important the day the more pressure we place on ourselves and this keeps feeding the fear, anxiety and paranoia. I know it won’t be easy but with a few little tricks and strategies we will get you through this special day. Don’t let the day overwhelm you. Break it down into small steps. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception.
I actually remember this but it’s ancient history now. You’ve come a long way since then. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up.
Focus on the positives and keep yourself busy and distracted during the next 6 weeks so you don’t get yourself too overwhelmed. It’s an important day but it’s only a day. Think of how proud you’ll be of your little girl. Take care, Vanessa — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day.
(slightly snipped) {{{{{{ Tony }}}}}} Tony, you’re just experiencing anticipation anxiety that we all do. The best thing I can suggest is to just try to sleep through these next 6 weeks, try to eat healthy meals and don’t do anything else that will stress you out. Rest up for the big day and I know how scary it is. I can’t give you any advice other than what you already know; when the day is done, be proud that you did it, you withstood it, it was just one day and you didn’t die from it. Then the next day go hibernate in front of your computer or TV. :~) kili — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
My Daughter has been making wonderful progress planning her wedding ahead of time. It looks like Friday Sept. 22 will be the wedding and reception. That is in 6 weeks. I’m a nervous wreck. I keep worrying about passing out in church, but I did get word that there will not be a church service, just the marriage. Whooo Hooooo!!!!!! She also told me that she will tell the (catholic) priest that no way are they to get out that stinky incense. That is a giant trigger for me. I’ll either be passed out or be running out the door! The anxiety is worse every day. I’m also having a problem coping with one part of the wedding. She asked me how I felt about asking her stepfather to walk her down the isle with one of us on each side. Then he would sit down and I would stay with her to give her away. She asked me how I would feel and I told her it will make me very uncomfortable, but it is *her* wedding. So she asked him to do it anyway. Shit, why bother asking me at all? The other part that makes it all so difficult is my paranoia. I have problems thinking people are talking about me. So now having him in the wedding a little bit just makes me think of more stories people will tell. I guess I’m thinking they will say that I wasn’t a good father or something, I really don’t know. All I know is that it is slightly different than the norm, so therefore it makes me more anxious/paranoid. Tomorrow, Friday 11th I will see both Dr. and psychologist so I hope I’ll get some good feedback that I can actually remember. It really sucks that what should be one of the happiest days of my life, (if it goes anything like the rest of my life), will be a LIVING HELL!!! Yes I know I’m projecting, but no one knows me like I do. I sure don’t want a repeat of my wedding/reception when my anxiety was so bad that I was VERY close to walking into a moving car just so I could get a ride to the hospital and away from the reception. I already know that all the pills in the world won’t fix things, I’ve tried taking more and then I just worry about being f’ed up. — Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
