Why are there so many couples getting a divorce?
Question:
me As to the prevalence of divorce, I think it’s because me people are immature. Care to explain your thinking behind that? You’ll find a lot of us will probably disagree with you on that.
Maturity = more reasonable, thoughtful, pragmatic, adult behavior = more motivation to work on the relationship and offers fewer excuses/rationales to dump the person. I was very immature the first time I married. That is a big reason that it didn’t last. I didn’t choose very wisely or well. I had unreasonable expectations. Finally, I wasn’t interested in working things out with someone I didn’t choose wisely or well. How did you get divorced if there was no immaturity involved on either side? Karen
Response:
Or blinded by love? (or lust. or lonliness?). There are days when I wonder if I was truly in love with my stbx, or just in love with the idea that she was in love with me. Though, I’m pretty well convinced now she never really loved me, so I must’ve been blinded by something. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Now *that* I can agree with. Immature or naive. Personally, i don’t see getting divorced as necessarily being immature… I see that too many people were immature when they MARRIED or else they would have married someone more compatible in the first place…. In — "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." – Conan O’Brien
Response:
With me it was the idea AND lonliness and an odd idea that ‘it was the thing to do’ – my brother was married, I was approaching 30, etc… My X told me she was never in love with me…I was basically somebody to help pay rent and her bills and keep her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to (though I could *not* afford to do so, I found out later – and the bankruptcy was *my* fault, according to her). Or blinded by love? (or lust. or lonliness?). There are days when I wonder if I was truly in love with my stbx, or just in love with the idea that she was in love with me. Though, I’m pretty well convinced now she never really loved me, so I must’ve been blinded by something.
– I will defend to the death your right to say what you feel and think. I will also defend to the death MY right to knock you on your ass for doing so.
Response:
Personally, i don’t see getting divorced as necessarily being immature… I see that too many people were immature when they MARRIED or else they would have married someone more compatible in the first place….
Heh … if people waited to mature, some would discover they have the wrong personality type for traditional marriage … for these folks, sometimes it takes three or four failures to learn this lesson. Sad! Thana
Response:
If fewer people got married, there would be fewer divorces. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm. Because people worry more about their bank accounts than their souls. Ray Gordon, Author The Nice-Guy Graveyard: Where men go to bury their kindness and be the jerk women love http://www.cybersheet.com/library.html
Response:
and fewer Ray Gordons… If fewer people got married, there would be fewer divorces.
– I will defend to the death your right to say what you feel and think. I will also defend to the death MY right to knock you on your ass for doing so.
Response:
Personally, i don’t see getting divorced as necessarily being immature… I see that too many people were immature when they MARRIED or else they would have married someone more compatible in the first place…. Heh … if people waited to mature, some would discover they have the wrong personality type for traditional marriage …
or else if they waited to be emotionally "mature" enuff, their bio clock would have run out and it would be too late to have kids…..
Response:
I think divorce is normal. It fits well in the survival of the fittest program that humans have. Always remember that life is a game. Love rules all else is bullshit. http://homestead.juno.com/robo224/sharenet.html
Response:
I think divorce is normal. It fits well in the survival of the fittest program that humans have. Always remember that life is a game. Love rules all else is bullshit.
How do you figure that divorce is part of survival of the fittest? And if life is a game, I am losing BIG time! As for the marriage divorce question.. Sometimes peole make the wrong choices , based on what they see as the right idea. I for one was affraid I would be alone for the rest of my life, so I did what I thought I was suposed to, I KNEW the choice was wrong, and I admit I was wrong to do what I did, and I have suffered because of it, and to be fair so has he. We were a mismatch fromt he start, he didn’t like me so I though if I changed everything about me that woudl be the best thing to do to keep him, but I ask myself WHY, when the fact was I didn’t love him? Truth is because I felt worthless and no one else would have me. But Still I tried to make a go I did things that I though Should be done, before marriage I was the good little "girlfirend" and after marriage the good little wife, I never had opinons of my own (and truth be told if I expressed different opinions or Ideas it was no good) Most of you regulars know my story and I will not repeat it) I KNOW HE reads here now and will see this. I had to lock my slef deep with in myself so that He would be happy, and be nice to me, and I did everything he wanted, it was never a partnership or two way street, it was give and take , he took it all, eventual I became resentful, and tired of his immaturaty and abusive behaviours.. I was sad , lonely tired to talk to him, he didn’t listen, I thought if I had kids it would be better, I was wrong.(another lesson for those out there NEVER BRING CHILDREN INTO A BAD SITUATION THEY DO NOT MAKE IT BETTER) A hard lesson and bitter pill to swallow. I just want to say to HIM.. I’m sorry, and you can not force things on people, it isn’t right or fair. You are right I shouldn’t have married you, but You are wrong in blaming me for all your behaviours, I am not responsible for you, You are anADULT, it’s time you took responsiblity for yourself, and Time I stopped letting you place the blame, it’s time we both grew up and try to work things out amicably for the sake of the children, and not beat a dead horse. Sorry I have said to much already and I am rambling, and depressed as usual.. KNowing as I do this will be found… what have I got to lose
Response:
Gottman says he can predict divorce with 95% accuracy. I believe him but I also believe that his methods would not have worked prior to , say, 1970 because even though the indicators of divorce may have been present, divorce wasn’t an option. And to be clear, IMO, things are better overall today. If the Greatest Generation was more virtuous, it was by making necessities into virtues. It was necessary to stay married then, but not today. Someone responded that it is lack of maturity that drives up the divorce rate – implying that prior generations were more mature. As I said above, I think it was that they had fewer choices. I do think, however, that the immaturity shoe fits in this respect, just as the restrictions on divorce have eased – inviting more divorces – the social restrictions on entering marriage have eased – inviting more bad marriages. but as I said, I prefer this world to my parent’s. regards, BillH My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm.
– "We either make ourselves miserable or make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." Don Juan – Journey to Xtlan
Response:
<SIGH When we married, my ex was a self-described recovering Catholic who nonetheless said she was serious about "til death do us part". I was less rigid, believing that marriage was a serious but reversible decision UNTIL AND UNLESS YOU HAD CHILDREN. I had to accept my ex’s beliefs about permanence before she’d agree to marry. 11 years and two children later, which of us do you suppose filed for divorce? My ex, the one who somehow "renewed her faith," went back to the church, _AND_ filed for divorce. Go figure. Chris
Gee, that takes the proverbial cake, does it not? Sorry you had to go through it. Your example, however, further supports my belief that one needs to secure as much knowledge about someone as it is humanly possible to gather in order to insure oneself as much as possible against things like this happening. Again, very sorry you had to go through this.
Response:
If the Greatest Generation was more virtuous, it was by making necessities into virtues.
Excellent point, well made. People rationalize about all sorts of things, including necessities as virtues. They do it in part at least to make a bitter pill easier to swallow. It was necessary to stay married then, but not today.
Yes and no. It depends on what all you mean by it being easier. If you mean legally easier, yes, I agree. Someone responded that it is lack of maturity that drives up the divorce rate – implying that prior generations were more mature. As I said above, I think it was that they had fewer choices. I do think, however, that the immaturity shoe fits in this respect, just as the restrictions on divorce have eased – inviting more divorces – the social restrictions on entering marriage have eased – inviting more bad marriages.
I agree as well. Too, without going into a detailed analysis about it, I think most people think it is, shall we say, "politically incorrect" to try to disuade someone from marrying some other particular person. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -but as I said, I prefer this world to my parent’s. regards, BillH
Response:
Only your parents know why they got divorced. As to the prevalence of divorce, I think it’s because people are immature. Karen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm.
Response:
Care to explain your thinking behind that? You’ll find a lot of us will probably disagree with you on that. As to the prevalence of divorce, I think it’s because people are immature. Karen
– "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." – Conan O’Brien
Response:
Personally, i don’t see getting divorced as necessarily being immature… I see that too many people were immature when they MARRIED or else they would have married someone more compatible in the first place…. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Care to explain your thinking behind that? You’ll find a lot of us will probably disagree with you on that. As to the prevalence of divorce, I think it’s because people are immature. Karen
Response:
Now *that* I can agree with. Immature or naive. Personally, i don’t see getting divorced as necessarily being immature… I see that too many people were immature when they MARRIED or else they would have married someone more compatible in the first place…. In
– "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." – Conan O’Brien
Response:
… I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm. … One reason, IMO, is that too often when two people decide to marry, somewhere in the back of their minds is already the idea that should things not go very well, divorce is always an option. I think if more people thought along the lines of "this is it–this is my only shot–if it does not work, I do not get another chance." Believing this way would make people think much harder before marrying. …
<SIGH When we married, my ex was a self-described recovering Catholic who nonetheless said she was serious about "til death do us part". I was less rigid, believing that marriage was a serious but reversible decision UNTIL AND UNLESS YOU HAD CHILDREN. I had to accept my ex’s beliefs about permanence before she’d agree to marry. 11 years and two children later, which of us do you suppose filed for divorce? My ex, the one who somehow "renewed her faith," went back to the church, _AND_ filed for divorce. Go figure. Chris — Given infinite time, everything will happen.
Response:
Ask your parents. Jeff
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm.
Response:
no fault divorce.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm.
Response:
My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm.
Response:
My name is Shanna and I am a sophmore in college. I am interested in the topic of divorce because I have always wondered why my parents seperated after being married for fourteen years. I was only six when they divorced. They seemed to do everything right in their marriage, married for eight years, finished college, and were financially stable before having me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Why did they stay together for so long if they weren’t really in love? What were the reasons for their divorce and how come they couldn’t make it work? I wish I knew why divorce is becoming the norm.
Shanna, kiddo, I think only they can answer most of your questions. As to why divorce has become so common, well there are lots of reasons. I am sure you could seriously research this topic. One reason, IMO, is that too often when two people decide to marry, somewhere in the back of their minds is already the idea that should things not go very well, divorce is always an option. I think if more people thought along the lines of "this is it–this is my only shot–if it does not work, I do not get another chance." Believing this way would make people think much harder before marrying. Of course, there are lots of other reasons that can be cited, right folks?
